English

Okay, for those who think they're English scholars, here's a little exercise. Reduce these sentences to familiar proverbs:

1 - Your immature gallinacians must not be calculated prior to their being produced.

2 - A perissaodactyl ungulate mammal may be addressed toward the aqueous fluid, but it cannot be compelled to quaff.

3 - It is fondness for notes of exchange that constitutes the tuberous structure of all satanically inspired principles.

4 - Lithoidal fragments ought not to be hurled by tenants of vitreous abodes.

5 - Beholden vessel never exceeds one hundred degrees Celsius.

6 - A feathered creature clasped in the manual members is the equivalent, value-wise, of a brace in the bosky growth.

Give it a try. The person who gets the most wins a prize.

Accountant Humor

 

I seldom write about my job here; 9-12 hours a day is more than any person should be forced to think about accounting. However, as I sat doing research today on CDOs (no need to look it up; it’s not crucial to the story), I happened upon an old website about asset securitizations that had, of all things, a humor section. I debated whether or not to blog about it, but I simply couldn’t resist. So here it is; this is what happens when accountants and bankers try to be funny.

Two sides of the Balance sheet

There are two sides of the balance sheet - the left side and the right side. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left!

Aha ha aha ha ha . . . woo

Explanation: The left side of the balance sheet is where assets (cash, equipment, land, receivables and various imaginary things) are shown. The right side is where liabilities and the difference between assets and liabilities (equity) are shown.

Why it’s funny: Incorporated into the play on words is the joke that assets (left) are always overstated (nothing right), and that there are lots of liabilities on the right (nothing left). It doesn’t quite make sense, but jokes don’t always have to.

Comic:

Explanation: Weather bonds are one of the exotic energy-related derivatives that companies like Enron and Dynergy got involved with. Most weather securities are indirectly linked to the price of heating oil or electricity (which is why the investors/gamblers care about changes in weather).

Why it’s funny: It’s humorous to think of the weather channel being like CNBC or one of the other business channels with people betting on the outcome of the weather forecast.

5 Reasons why the Bill-Monica scandal was actually a securitization deal
1. The "up-front" was attractive.
2. A few did it; lot many enjoyed reading about it.
3. Instant gratification overtook long term consequences
4. It was tempting; but involved too many complicated legal issues.
5. At the end of the day, it was exploiting the "hole in the system".

Explanation: Actually, I don’t understand all of the terminology being used here.

Why it’s funny: I imagine it would be funny to people who know what all of that means. But here’s a question I have; what do Bill and Monica’s adventures have to do with a “hole in the system”?

That kind of lover

This quiz is courtesy of Colin:

eXpressive: 3/10
Practical: 3/10
Physical: 8/10
Giver: 8/10

You are a RSYG--Reserved Sentimental Physical Giver. This makes you a Nice Guy/Nice Girl.

Oh, poor RSYG. You're the one all your friends of your target sex *should* be dating when you have to watch them go out with jerks. You're the sweet one that the lead in a romantic comedy ends up with after s/he learns a valuable lesson. You're the best friend, the chaperone and the shoulder to cry on when you should be the lover. Well, no one ever said people were smart.

You dislike conflict -- you prefer to express yourself through action, not discussion -- but you know it is necessary. This means you are more likely to tackle an issue before it grows, but you're also more likely to stop fighting before the issue is resolved to your satisfaction. This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- it's kind of a nice compromise between fighting about everything and fighting about nothing -- but you have to remember to look out for your own interests sometimes.

You have a strong sexual appetite, but it seems so out of place with the rest of your persona that people find it hard to believe. Often they try to shield you from sexual content -- it's ridiculous, but you can use it to your advantage: everybody wants someone clean in the kitchen and dirty in the bedroom. That's you.

You don't want to cheat, but you might. Especially since it's only when you're in a relationship that you start getting the attention from your target sex that you should have been getting all along. Your experiences could make you misanthropic if you weren't so tenderhearted.

A lot of RSITs think they're RSYGs. They're not.

You'll end up with someone who deserves you in the end.

Of the 4145 people who have taken this quiz, 2.6 % are this type.

What's your type?

Some Spiders Have Two Legs



Earlier this week, I decided to go see SpiderMan 2 both because I really loved the first movie and this one was receiving such high praise from the critics. However, despite the rave reviews and the contention by at least one critic that SpiderMan 2 is "the perfect summer movie", I can't say that I was all that impressed. The movie seemed very thrown-together, like twenty people wrote independent scripts and then stapled them together. Since I've heard it said that the movie follows the original comic book very closely (I've never read the comic book series), I hope this is just a case where print does not translate well to big-screen production.

For starters, the attempt to cram the whole "Return of the Green Goblin" subplot into this film was an utter failure. I don't know whether it's the casting or the writing, but something about Harry Osborne is just annoying. Moreover, his whole presence in the film seems out of place, leaving even audience members who've never heard of SpiderMan before knowing that they're being set up for another movie. That's confirmed in the end when the ghost-like image of Harry's father shows up in a mirror and begins talking in his green-goblin voice. If the Green Goblin was a side effect of the senior Osborne's personal experiments, how does it follow that Harry would experience the exact same voice and evil inclination without ever taking part in any such experiment?

There are also a number of little things in the movie that didn't quite jive with me. Why exactly were all the "money bags" in the bank filled with gold coins? I half expected Scrooge McDuck to make a cameo. Why did Spiderman spend more time with his mask off than on? If his identity is such a big secret, shouldn't he try to protect it a bit more? Why doesn't Peter Parker ask his super-millionaire best friend for a little help with the bills? Why doesn't Aunt May just cut her losses, sell the house, and move to a retirement village in Florida? Why was no one in the movie-world surprised when Peter Parker got up totally unscathed after being thrown about 30 ft into a BRICK wall? Shouldn't Dr. Octopus himself at least taken notice of that? Shouldn't we be sad that Peter and the Russian girl never hooked up? Especially after she gave him cake? And milk!? How is it that no one at OsCorp saw a profit opportunity in the ARMS? Why is it that no one in the movie ever refers to a science by name (i.e. physics, chemistry)? Why is it always just "science" or "scientist"?

Of course, the whole movie was not bad. In fact, some parts were quite entertaining. I especially love the Asian woman who sings the old SpiderMan theme. The elevator scene and the scene outside of the theater are also quite humorous. This movie also had some spectacular action scenes, including the whole train sequence and the fight on the side of the building. Good stuff.

Overall, I thought the movie was okay but not outstanding. There were good parts, but there were just too many little issues to keep me from really enjoying the movie. I probably should have waited for the video to come out.

A New Diet

I know it's corny, but I'm posting it out of respect for my hospitalized father who told me about this today and thought it was just so clever. Apparently, the Democrats are now endorsing a new No-CARB diet; No Cheney, No Ashcroft, No Rumsfeld, and No Bush. Remember, No-CARB for 2004!

Hey Mr. Radio Man

I was listening to a morning radio talk show, and the radio personalities were having a 'contest' of sorts that I found very interesting. For a chance to win some kind of tickets (I wasn't paying that much attention), listeners were asked to call in and tell a 60-second story that began with "I was at Bath and Body Works . . . " and ended with "I spelled 'monkey' for the governor." Aside from the time limit, the only other stipulation was that the story had to make sense. And nobody could do it!! So, I tried it in the car, and came up with a pretty good story (I tried not to add on to it or change it while I was typing).

I was at Bath and Body Works the other day buying a gift for my girlfriend (it’s not autobiographical), who happens to work at the state capitol building in Raleigh. I bought some really nice bubble bath (because she likes that sort of thing) and drove to Raleigh to surprise her. So, when I got there, I went to her office, but her secretary said that she was busy. Me being the guy that I am, I wasn’t just going to wait outside, so I barged into the office. And you won’t believe what I saw. She was there having sex with the governor. So I yelled, “Get off of her you stupid monkey!”.

“Excuse me!?” replied the governor.

“Oh would you like me to spell it for you?”

So, I spelled “monkey” for the governor.

 

Yeah, it's corny, but considering that I did it on the fly, I think it's pretty good. Okay, so I did mine, now you do yours. Think for about ten seconds, then just start telling your story. Try to do it in 60 seconds, and when you're finished, type it out and post it for all to see.

 

Exercise Begets More Exercise

I kinda liked those last couple of puzzles, so here's another one. I promise this is the last brain puzzle entry.

The Jabberwocky Bank Raid

Five bank robbers attempted to escape from police in a vehicle. The police gave chase, and in the end, the robbers crashed their own car, trying to avoid a makeshift road-block. One of them was taken to the hospital with multiple injuries, and the others found themselves in the Jabberwocky Police Station facing a barrage of questions.

There had been shots fired from two revolvers at the police car which had first given chase, but the weapons had been thrown out of the window by the escapers, and none of them would admit to having fired on the police. Luckily for the law, Toves and Slithy were not the best of friends, and they were both only too happy to accuse each other of having been one of the gunmen. In addition, both of them stated that Gyre never carried a gun, and while Slithy also defended himself against the charge, Toves spoke in Gimble's defense.

Neither Gyre nor Gimble was prepared to make a statement, and the police felt completely at a loss. The Chief Inspector in charge of the case went along to the hospital, but was only allowed a few minutes with the fifth member of the gang. He, like Gyre and Gimble, had nothing of a constructive nature to say. He simply laughed.

'Well, both Slithy and Toves told the truth for once, even if their other remarks were lies,' Wabe chuckled. That was the last thing he said before he died. Assuming that Wabe's comment was true, who were the gunmen?

For That Curious Mass in Your Skull

Both of these puzzles were taken from a book that I recently discovered sitting atop one of the shelves in my room. Give these two a try and post your answers. I'll leave a comment with the correct answers in a couple of days.

1. Who's for Spades?
Owen Parker, Frank Doyle, Bill Aherne, and Paul Hodges were accustomed to meet on a Thursday evening for a hand of whist [similar to Spades].
Knowing that I myself have quite an interest in the game, one of them was describing the play at their last meeting, but for some time I was baffled because of my ignorance of the occupations of the various men involved.
Apparently, the teacher was on Paul's left, while Bill was partnering the solicitor [partners in Whist sit across from eachother]. Moreover, Owen is neither the teacher nor the civil servant, while Frank's partner was the teacher.
If the man who was telling me about the evening is an engineer, what is his name?

2. Nation of Shopkeepers
Messrs. Baker, Tailor, and Butcher follow the trades of baker, tailor, and butcher, but in no case does their name appear to suit their occupation.
Each of the three has a son, the boys also being employed as a butcher, a tailor, and a baker. However, although the baker's son, Tom, follows his father's trade, Dick and Harry are apprenticed to the butcher and tailor respectively.
The three boys are married to Laura, Mary, and Pauling, who are employed as cashiers in the baker's, the tailor's, and the butcher's (though in no case respectively), with the result that their husbands are able to see a lot more of them even during working hours.
Given that Laura and Mr. Tailor both faint at the sight of blood, what are the girls' surnames, and what do their respective husbands do for a living?

Good ole Tom

I used to read "This Modern World" all the time, but stopped for some reason (which I can no longer remember). However, I recently re-discovered this wonderfully leftist cartoon, and thought I'd share two of the more recent ones with you.

By my way of thinking . . .

According to this test which I found on Colin's blog, I am Logical-Mathematical thinker.
Logical-Mathematical thinkers:
* Like to understand patterns and relationships between objects or actions
* Try to understand the world in terms of causes and effects
* Are good at thinking critically, and solving problems creatively

Other Logical-Mathematical Thinkers include:
Isaac Newton, Archimedes, Albert Einstein

Careers which suit Logical-Mathematical thinkers include:
Physicist, Chemist, Biologist, Lawyer, Computer programmer, Engineer, Inventor

This is pretty dead on since I've considered (at some point in my life) every career listed under this type of thinker. I also kinda identify with the interpersonal thinker (or maybe that's just what I'm attracted to).

You can see the other types of thinkers here. Or better yet, just go ahead and take the quiz yourself!

Another Meme

Well, I had planned to do this elaborate pictorial of what I'd been up to for the past couple of weeks (much like Colin did), but I'm having a little trouble transferring pictures at the moment, so I'll do the meme on Marc's site first, and *hopefully* do the other entry tomorrow. Phew, that was a long sentence.

10 Bands/Singers You've Seen:
Ha, 10?!? I'm just not that cultured (or insert any other adjective you choose). I've seen Tina Turner in concert (she's an excellent performer). I've also seen John Mayer, though I can't remember the names of the other performers who sang at that same concert. To my credit, I have seen a number of plays (Shakespearean and otherwise).

9 Things You're Looking Forward To
1. Living with Colin (again)
2. Getting started in the "real world"
3. Finally having a steady income
4. Finally having a career
5. Decorating a new apartment (yeah, I know. I just can't get rid of the gay)
6. Being called a "New Yorker"
7. Mumbling about tourists in Times Square
8. Eating real pizza
9. Being a big boy

8 Things You Wear Daily
1. My ring (given to me by my Dad shortly before I came out. He gave me a bracelet shortly after I came out, but I seem to have temporarily misplaced that)
2. My chain (given to me by Colin for my 21st birthday)
3. A shirt
4. Pants or shorts (sometimes the same pair two days in a row. I'm living on the edge)
5. Shoes or sandals
6. My watch (given to me by my parents)
7. Neutrogena face lotion (to keep me acne free and looking like a 10-year-old)
8. Underwear (I tried free-balling once, but I kept getting. . er. . well, I won't go there)

7 Things that Annoy You
1. People who talk incessantly without actually saying anything
2. People who are loud (Not just with talking, but with everything)
3. That clear plastic packaging that they seal electronics in that you can't open without 3 pairs of scissors and a stick of dynamite.
4. People who don't bother trying to see both sides of an issue (I think it's just in my nature)
5. People who never have an opinion on anything other than the latest Pop CD
6. Gay republicans
7. Right-wing black republicans (the centrists don't bother me so much)

6 Things You Touch Everyday
1. Colin, when he's around
2. My computer
3. My car
4. My toothbrush
5. My Neutrogena face scrub (no, this is not an ad for Neutrogena)
6. Food

5 Things You Do Everyday
Ha ha, that's too easy.
1. Consider doing the pushups and situps that I'm supposed to do everyday
2. Wake-up
3. Sit in front of the computer for at least 30 minutes (if not longer)
4. Forget to return someone's call
5. Read something

4 of Your Favorite Musicians or Bands
Well, right now . . .
1. Maroon 5
2. Justin Timberlake (Really, he has some very catchy songs. Even though he did this one while he was still with N'Sync, you can't listen to "Gone" and tell me that's not a cool song)
3. Usher (I'm sure this will go away when his song falls off the charts)
4. The Turtles (old old band. They sang "So Happy Together" which has been my favorite song for quite some time)

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. Shawshank Redemption (which I have watched over and over)
2. Bringing Down the House (which I have watched over and over)
3. Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country (which I have watched over and over)

2 of Your Favorite Songs at This Moment
1. "So Happy Together" by the Turtles
2. "This Love" by Maroon Five

Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With
Why, him of course!

All in a Name

G	Glamorous
E	Enjoyable
O	Outrageous
F	Feminine
F	Flavorful

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

(courtesy of Colin)

I don't know how accurate this thing is.

Glamorous: Well, I've never thought of myself as such, but I suppose this could be true.

Enjoyable: I'd certainly like to think so.

Outrageous: Only when I've got a little alcohol in me.

Feminine: Slanderous!

Flavorful: Hmmm, I dunno. What do you think?

10 Years in 2 Minutes
I decided to do Marc's MEME which involves choosing a memory from each of the past ten years and writing about it. To call my memory horrible would be an understatement, so I relied on photo albums. Some of the pictures below are actually digital photographs (taken with a digital camera) of other photographs (taken with 35mm film), so the quality may not be great. Enjoy!
Date of Birth:May 3, 1982
Current Age:22
2004, Age 22

In April, Colin and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. After spending the day at Piedmont Park, we went to the Sundial revolving restaurant atop the Westin Peachtree Plaza in downtown Atlanta. The food was good, the view was spectacular, and of course, I couldn't have had better company.

2003, Age 21

July of 2003 was not the first time I ever visited New York, but it was certainly the trip that made me fall in love with the city. I went to visit Colin, who was living in the city for the summer while he did a publishing internship. I met his cousin Nicole, who in my mind is the quintessential New Yorker, and his "Anty Ann", who is just nice beyond belief. New York, New York. I think I'm going to like it there.

2002, Age 20

In February of 2002, I had the first and only accident of my driving career. And before you say anything, it wasn't my fault! I spent the whole night in the ER at Grady Hospital and left with a huge plastic neck brace that I only wore twice (and only in the privacy of my dorm room). I received a small settlement for injuries and pain and suffering in early 2004.

2001, Age 19

The summer of 2001 was when I first came out to myself. The picture above was taken in my brother's godmother's house in Charlotte, where I spent many late nights chatting on Mogenic, which was then in its early days as well. The picture is also the one that I used on most of my online profiles at the time.

2000, Age 18

On June 6, 2000, I graduated from The North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics, the premiere high school for math and science nerds in the state of North Carolina. This was also the place that I lost my interest in becoming a mechanical engineer (damn you, Ms. Graves). I met some of my best friends at NCSSM, and had some of the most memorable times of my life there. I was happy to graduate, but I'll always miss the place.

1999, Age 17

In 1999, my dog Chance went crazy. We had given him away earlier in the year for his own safety (he was mauled by three dogs one sunny afternoon). Well, the family that we gave him to left him tied to a tree during a Spring tornado that ripped through the city's western suburbs. Though he survived, he was never quite the same after that. After he started biting people, they had him put to sleep. Poor Chance. I miss him.

1998, Age 16

In my sophomore (high school) literature class, we each had to pick a country and do a detailed paper and project on that country. It was part of a big program our teachers referred to as Around the World in 80 Days (though we had far fewer than 80 days to complete the paper and project). My country was Morocco. The paper was decent, but my real pride and joy was the project. I built a scale model of the city of Casablanca. It's hard to see all of the detail in this picture, but take my word for it; it was awesome.

1997, Age 15


1997 marked a year of big physical changes for me. First, I had a small growth spurt that left me an inch and half taller (though unfortunately, that would be the end of my growing years). It was also the year in which I got braces and got rid of those darned glasses (God bless contacts). You can see the before. . . and the after.

1996, Age 14

In the summer of 1996, I went deep-sea fishing for the first and last time. Though I was all smiles at the beginning of the trip (when the picture was taken), I spent the remaining 4-5 hours of the trip huddled on the floor (when I wasn't bent over the edge of the boat spilling my guts into the water) passing in and out of consciousness. Motion sickness is no fun, folks. And motion sickness in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight is even worse.

1995, Age 13

Interestingly enough, this year was one of the easiest to remember, even though there was nothing particularly noteworthy about it. We took a trip to City Hall for my Social Studies class where we "argued" about a fake zoning ordinance in front of a Board of Aldermen made up by our peers. I played the part of a cantankerous old man who didn't want a basketball court built down the street from his house. Although I was upset at not being chosen to be one of the aldermen, my speech to the board was the only one that got unanimous applause from the class. How do you like them apples?
I'm not sure where I saw myself in ten years back then. I'm pretty sure I saw myself graduating from college with a degree in Architecture and going on to design skyscrapers. Though I did graduate from college two weeks ago, it was not with a degree in architecture, and I'm more likely at this point to be working in skyscrapers than building them. I certainly didn't think I would have met the love of my life (or that it would be a guy). Go figure. All in all, I'm happy with how my life has played out so far, and I look forward to many more good years to come. (P.S. I know that it's really only 9 years since I used 2004 as my first year, but by the time I realized it, I was too tired to go find a picture for 1994)