Growing Up

A topic has been on my mind a lot lately since Colin and I discussed it last week. We talked about our paths in life, our expectations, etc. Being the obsessive planner that I am (sometimes interrupted by rare bouts of spontaneity), I have of course given lots of thought to my future. However, what I really hadn't questioned was whether the future I had planned was the future that I really wanted. That's the question that I've actually been wrestling with. Having a good job and an apartment and everything else is great. It certainly meets the need for stability and security that I've had for most of my life. But are security and stability truly enough? Am I following the plan I've laid because it's what I want or because it's safe?

As those of you who've read my "100+ Things" section know, the thing I fear most (second to being mauled by a subway rat) is living an unfulfilled life. More specifically, what I fear is getting to the end of the road and having lots of regrets. So I guess what I need to figure out is what I want out of life and whether I'm happy with both my present and the future path that I've chosen. Stay tuned. It might be a bumpy ride.  

Losing

I got a call on Monday from my dad saying that my grandmother was "not doing so well". She had stopped eating (much) and didn't want to get up out of the bed anymore (at 94 years old, she usually spent her days in the living room watching TV and looking out of the window). I didn't think much of it at first - after all, she's been in and out of the hospital and in varying states of health for several years now. In my opinion, she hadn't been "doing so well" for quite some time. However, at the suggestion of one of my co-workers, I decided to call another family member  and get a second opinion. I was told that it really didn't look good and that they weren't sure grandma would make it through the end of the week, although it could conceivably be longer or shorter. I decided at that point to return to North Carolina to see for myself and to say my goodbyes. I debated for a long time, however, when to go. My first impulse was to book a Monday night train, but as the hours ticked on and my indecisiveness didn't dissipate, I missed my chance. I thought about it that night and decided to wait until Thursday. That way, I could wrap up everything at work (for a 3/16 SEC deadline), and leave with a clear mind. However, at the urging of my boss (aren't my co-workers great?) I booked a flight for Wednesday morning at 8:40 instead. . .

. . . Grandma died Wednesday morning just after 2:00am . . .

Don't make my mistake, folks. Don't wait. . .

  

 Define "Sick"

After working 14-hour days last week, 8 hours on Saturday, and 5 hours on Sunday, I was feeling a bit tired today . . . so I called in sick. However, being the overachiever that I am (wait, does calling in sick for being 'tired' disqualify me as an overachiever), I still had grand plans for the day. I was going to do some much-needed grocery shopping (aside from condiments, beverages, and some rotten vegetables, there's nothing in our fridge but two eggs, a block of cheese, some tortillas, and a can of fruit that I opened sometime before Christmas in order to fish out the chunks of pineapple), clean up a little bit, and yes, even catch up on some miscellaneous things from work. That plan was made at 8:15am. It is now approximately 5:15pm, and I have done the following (in no particular order):

1. Slept (ostensibly, that's what I needed to do the most, but I only slept for about an hour)

2. Watched "Clueless" (on USA)

3. Considered cooking.

4. Decided against it, as that would have required walking to the grocery store (see above).

5. Looked online for a new job (not that I'm actually thinking of switching. It's just something I do every few weeks when I get frustrated)

5. Gotten directions to Greenwich, CT (where I'll be working tomorrow - joy)

6. Read a bit of "The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole" by Sue Townsend

7. Talked to Colin on the phone

8. Called my supervisor to assure her that I would be well enough to make it to CT tomorrow.

9. Tinkered with my 100+ Things section.

10. Read other people's blogs.

11. Considered going to the gym.

12. Decided against it because I was already sore.

13. Contemplated cooking dinner for Colin

14. Decided against it (see #4)

15. Resolved to tip the delivery-man extra.

Hmm, so depending on how you look at it, I did have a productive day. I didn't do a thing I set out to do, but I still managed a list of 15 activities. I should pat myself on the back. Oh, wait, that's 16!

Tonight I go to pick up a rental car from JFK and then tomorrow : my first time driving in New York City rush-hour traffic. Pray for me.

Gay Youth in America

I didn't even know about this until I read about it on Towleroad. The Washington Post has done a series of articles over the last week or so focusing on gay youth in America. A reporter followed two teenagers (one from rural Oklahoma, one from an impoverished section of Newark, NJ) for a year and wrote about their lives. Instead of just doing the typical "gay kids harassed in school" story, the reporter gets into ever facet of their lives. Both stories (broken into four parts) are interesting to read whether you're gay or straight. For those of us who live in places that are more accepting, it serves as a useful reminder that there are still gays and lesbians who struggle on the most basic level everyday; not for acceptance, but for the right to be who they are.

Part One - Michael

Part Two - Michael

Part Three - Felicia

Part Four - Felicia

Cold Office

Dammit! I think I'm getting sick.

These Last Few Days

This isn't a fotolog, but I do like pictures, so here are a few photo highlights from this past weekend.

Friday morning, I decided for the first time to try making an omelette the Colin way. By that, I mean that I put the fillings into the pan first and then poured the egg over top. Of course, this method requires you to flip the entire omelette in the air, which I pulled off flawlessly after melting about half a pound of butter in the bottom of the pan. One side got a little brown, but it was still delicious!

Saturday morning, my parents and I went to a major yardsale held by Replacements, Ltd. with the purpose of picking up "a few dishes" for my apartment in New York. What you see in the picture is what I actually ended up with. It's really nice stuff, but I realized after we left that a good deal of it is probably not microwave-safe. Ah well, I can always use paper plates to heat things up. We spent part of that afternoon and part of Sunday afternoon looking for other kitchen items (I picked up an entire set of pots, pans, and various cooking utensils from my aunt for free). Now the only thing I need is a toaster.

My dad (not pictured here) decided to get fancy with dinner on Monday night, and ended up preparing the above dish. It's chicken salad mixed with fruit inside of a pineapple shell. It sounds strange, but tastes wonderful. I highly recommend it.

Another Meme

Well, I had planned to do this elaborate pictorial of what I'd been up to for the past couple of weeks (much like Colin did), but I'm having a little trouble transferring pictures at the moment, so I'll do the meme on Marc's site first, and *hopefully* do the other entry tomorrow. Phew, that was a long sentence.

10 Bands/Singers You've Seen:
Ha, 10?!? I'm just not that cultured (or insert any other adjective you choose). I've seen Tina Turner in concert (she's an excellent performer). I've also seen John Mayer, though I can't remember the names of the other performers who sang at that same concert. To my credit, I have seen a number of plays (Shakespearean and otherwise).

9 Things You're Looking Forward To
1. Living with Colin (again)
2. Getting started in the "real world"
3. Finally having a steady income
4. Finally having a career
5. Decorating a new apartment (yeah, I know. I just can't get rid of the gay)
6. Being called a "New Yorker"
7. Mumbling about tourists in Times Square
8. Eating real pizza
9. Being a big boy

8 Things You Wear Daily
1. My ring (given to me by my Dad shortly before I came out. He gave me a bracelet shortly after I came out, but I seem to have temporarily misplaced that)
2. My chain (given to me by Colin for my 21st birthday)
3. A shirt
4. Pants or shorts (sometimes the same pair two days in a row. I'm living on the edge)
5. Shoes or sandals
6. My watch (given to me by my parents)
7. Neutrogena face lotion (to keep me acne free and looking like a 10-year-old)
8. Underwear (I tried free-balling once, but I kept getting. . er. . well, I won't go there)

7 Things that Annoy You
1. People who talk incessantly without actually saying anything
2. People who are loud (Not just with talking, but with everything)
3. That clear plastic packaging that they seal electronics in that you can't open without 3 pairs of scissors and a stick of dynamite.
4. People who don't bother trying to see both sides of an issue (I think it's just in my nature)
5. People who never have an opinion on anything other than the latest Pop CD
6. Gay republicans
7. Right-wing black republicans (the centrists don't bother me so much)

6 Things You Touch Everyday
1. Colin, when he's around
2. My computer
3. My car
4. My toothbrush
5. My Neutrogena face scrub (no, this is not an ad for Neutrogena)
6. Food

5 Things You Do Everyday
Ha ha, that's too easy.
1. Consider doing the pushups and situps that I'm supposed to do everyday
2. Wake-up
3. Sit in front of the computer for at least 30 minutes (if not longer)
4. Forget to return someone's call
5. Read something

4 of Your Favorite Musicians or Bands
Well, right now . . .
1. Maroon 5
2. Justin Timberlake (Really, he has some very catchy songs. Even though he did this one while he was still with N'Sync, you can't listen to "Gone" and tell me that's not a cool song)
3. Usher (I'm sure this will go away when his song falls off the charts)
4. The Turtles (old old band. They sang "So Happy Together" which has been my favorite song for quite some time)

3 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. Shawshank Redemption (which I have watched over and over)
2. Bringing Down the House (which I have watched over and over)
3. Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country (which I have watched over and over)

2 of Your Favorite Songs at This Moment
1. "So Happy Together" by the Turtles
2. "This Love" by Maroon Five

Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With
Why, him of course!

All in a Name

G	Glamorous
E	Enjoyable
O	Outrageous
F	Feminine
F	Flavorful

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

(courtesy of Colin)

I don't know how accurate this thing is.

Glamorous: Well, I've never thought of myself as such, but I suppose this could be true.

Enjoyable: I'd certainly like to think so.

Outrageous: Only when I've got a little alcohol in me.

Feminine: Slanderous!

Flavorful: Hmmm, I dunno. What do you think?

10 Years in 2 Minutes
I decided to do Marc's MEME which involves choosing a memory from each of the past ten years and writing about it. To call my memory horrible would be an understatement, so I relied on photo albums. Some of the pictures below are actually digital photographs (taken with a digital camera) of other photographs (taken with 35mm film), so the quality may not be great. Enjoy!
Date of Birth:May 3, 1982
Current Age:22
2004, Age 22

In April, Colin and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. After spending the day at Piedmont Park, we went to the Sundial revolving restaurant atop the Westin Peachtree Plaza in downtown Atlanta. The food was good, the view was spectacular, and of course, I couldn't have had better company.

2003, Age 21

July of 2003 was not the first time I ever visited New York, but it was certainly the trip that made me fall in love with the city. I went to visit Colin, who was living in the city for the summer while he did a publishing internship. I met his cousin Nicole, who in my mind is the quintessential New Yorker, and his "Anty Ann", who is just nice beyond belief. New York, New York. I think I'm going to like it there.

2002, Age 20

In February of 2002, I had the first and only accident of my driving career. And before you say anything, it wasn't my fault! I spent the whole night in the ER at Grady Hospital and left with a huge plastic neck brace that I only wore twice (and only in the privacy of my dorm room). I received a small settlement for injuries and pain and suffering in early 2004.

2001, Age 19

The summer of 2001 was when I first came out to myself. The picture above was taken in my brother's godmother's house in Charlotte, where I spent many late nights chatting on Mogenic, which was then in its early days as well. The picture is also the one that I used on most of my online profiles at the time.

2000, Age 18

On June 6, 2000, I graduated from The North Carolina School of Science and Mathematics, the premiere high school for math and science nerds in the state of North Carolina. This was also the place that I lost my interest in becoming a mechanical engineer (damn you, Ms. Graves). I met some of my best friends at NCSSM, and had some of the most memorable times of my life there. I was happy to graduate, but I'll always miss the place.

1999, Age 17

In 1999, my dog Chance went crazy. We had given him away earlier in the year for his own safety (he was mauled by three dogs one sunny afternoon). Well, the family that we gave him to left him tied to a tree during a Spring tornado that ripped through the city's western suburbs. Though he survived, he was never quite the same after that. After he started biting people, they had him put to sleep. Poor Chance. I miss him.

1998, Age 16

In my sophomore (high school) literature class, we each had to pick a country and do a detailed paper and project on that country. It was part of a big program our teachers referred to as Around the World in 80 Days (though we had far fewer than 80 days to complete the paper and project). My country was Morocco. The paper was decent, but my real pride and joy was the project. I built a scale model of the city of Casablanca. It's hard to see all of the detail in this picture, but take my word for it; it was awesome.

1997, Age 15


1997 marked a year of big physical changes for me. First, I had a small growth spurt that left me an inch and half taller (though unfortunately, that would be the end of my growing years). It was also the year in which I got braces and got rid of those darned glasses (God bless contacts). You can see the before. . . and the after.

1996, Age 14

In the summer of 1996, I went deep-sea fishing for the first and last time. Though I was all smiles at the beginning of the trip (when the picture was taken), I spent the remaining 4-5 hours of the trip huddled on the floor (when I wasn't bent over the edge of the boat spilling my guts into the water) passing in and out of consciousness. Motion sickness is no fun, folks. And motion sickness in the middle of the ocean with no land in sight is even worse.

1995, Age 13

Interestingly enough, this year was one of the easiest to remember, even though there was nothing particularly noteworthy about it. We took a trip to City Hall for my Social Studies class where we "argued" about a fake zoning ordinance in front of a Board of Aldermen made up by our peers. I played the part of a cantankerous old man who didn't want a basketball court built down the street from his house. Although I was upset at not being chosen to be one of the aldermen, my speech to the board was the only one that got unanimous applause from the class. How do you like them apples?
I'm not sure where I saw myself in ten years back then. I'm pretty sure I saw myself graduating from college with a degree in Architecture and going on to design skyscrapers. Though I did graduate from college two weeks ago, it was not with a degree in architecture, and I'm more likely at this point to be working in skyscrapers than building them. I certainly didn't think I would have met the love of my life (or that it would be a guy). Go figure. All in all, I'm happy with how my life has played out so far, and I look forward to many more good years to come. (P.S. I know that it's really only 9 years since I used 2004 as my first year, but by the time I realized it, I was too tired to go find a picture for 1994)